Monday, August 13, 2012

2nd Grade Begins!



The kids are off to their first day of 2nd grade!  We aren't too sure who their teacher is this year as the 2nd grade teacher last year was having some health issues and rumor has it she may not be back!  So this morning I offered to take the kids to their classroom, which they wanted, but they were not having the kids go to the classroom, only having them wait outside.  So the kids visited with their friends and caught up on their summer adventures and then it was time to line up.  They didn't even say goodbye to me!  I had to go find them and hug them.  Stinkers!  I am sure they are having a great day though!!! 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Ham and Cheese

Kermit wrote a story today during sacrament meeting that made me giggle, so I had to share.  I will write it exactly as it appears!

Ham and Cheese

Ham and Cheese were maried.  Oh no Cheese is going bad what do I do?  Should I kiss her no said a voice it was the holly gost.  Then what should I do said Ham?  You should stay with her as long as you can ok and then the power of Jesus made Cheese beter and they lived happily ever after The end.

Friday, August 10, 2012

August 10, 2002 - The end of Angel Baby's journey in life

Today our little Angel Baby completed her mission in life and returned to live with her Heavenly Father.

This morning we woke up to the phone ringing at 6:15. Master Chief answered it and it was Kristi, her nurse. There was still no change. At 6:30 the phone rang again. Another nurse was calling to tell us they had one last drug to try to help Angel Baby and that we should probably get ready and come down there. So we did. We got right up and threw our clothes on from the day before so we could hurry down there. While we were dressing the phone rang again. They told us to come NOW, and asked if we wanted to do everything to save her. Of course we did. We drove as fast as we could to the hospital. Upon our arrival we were told that our sweet little angel had returned to live with her Heavenly Father.

They took us back to her bedside and they put me in a rocking chair and they placed her in my arms. The only thing I could think of was that she looked so peaceful. They took us to the family room and we got to hold her for nearly 6 hours. The hospital took lots of pictures of us and gave us a beautiful white dress, some socks and booties. They also gave us a purple memory box with everything of hers in it, like her blood pressure cuff, her stethoscope, her bath soap. She was wearing a pretty purple dress and she was beautiful.

Handing her over to the nurse to leave was so hard. So final. They offered for us to help bathe her again, and to come back to the hospital at any time to hold her again. Then they took her away, cleaned her up, took more pictures (which were horrid, I wish we had a "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" person) and they made a lot of copies of her foot prints, even a clay moulding of them. They snipped a small piece of her hair in the back for us to keep. They did everything they could for us.

That afternoon we made our way to a mortuary. We picked a beautiful white casket that looked like a baby's bed. There were flowers, programs and arrangements like that to be decided upon.

Sunday we went to visit a cemetery with a baby land. I was so sick while I was there I wanted to throw up. I didn't know if it was because no mother should bury her baby or if it was just not the right place to lay my baby to rest. We visited another cemetery and while it was several thousands of dollars more, it was so much more of a happy feeling there. We picked the second place and even have plots for Master Chief and I to be buried with Angel Baby.

Monday I dressed Angel Baby. Both of her grandma's came to help me. We made her look so beautiful. In her white dress the sleeves kind of flared out and she truly looked like an angel with her little wings. We put a diaper on her, socks and booties. The final touch was a little white bow I had tied. I stuck it in her hair with a little honey. Then I placed her in her casket with her stuffed frog, moose and daddy's Teddy bear. Then I placed her pacifier next to her. She was surrounded by all the things she loved.

Her funeral was Tuesday. It was lovely. Both grandma's spoke along with Jared and our stake President. It was really the happiest funeral I have ever been to. It was knowing that Angel Baby is back living with her Heavenly Father, in the celestial glory she deserved. I know I will be with her again and that Master Chief and I will raise her after we are resurrected.

Angel Baby was laid to rest in a beautiful and happy cemetery on Tuesday August 13, 2002. As a tribute to her we all released pink balloons into the air after the ceremony. As the balloons were released Grandma (Master Chief's mom) said, "There she goes" and my Aunt said "Here she comes."

Angel Baby we love you so much. We can't wait for the day that we can all be back together again. We are so thankful for the blessings of the gospel and the knowledge of the plan of salvation. It really is the plan of happiness.

We have a huge blessing in our lives because of this experience. If we hadn't lost our Angel Baby we never would have adopted when we did. We now have our sweet son Kermit. He healed our broken hearts and filled our empty arms. He is such a ray of sunshine in our lives. We have a beautiful little Girl, Miss Piggy. She is such a joy in our lives and we have our suprise, Baby Girl. Baby Girl looks a lot like Angel Baby. She's got the dark hair, the darker skin, the same eye lashes. It's so neat to see the similarities. We wonder how Angel Baby's personality would have compared to Baby Girl or Miss Piggy even.  Our family is so happy.  We look forward to the day we can see our sweet daughter again and give her all the hugs and kisses we can't give her here on earth. 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

August 9, 2002 - Day 9 in the life of Angel Baby

Today was not so good.

The hospital called me at home around noon (let me tell you, when you've got a baby in the NICU, each time the phone rings your heart drops for fear it's not a good phone call. Up until this point, the phone calls were all good). The nurse told me that Angel Baby had some type of infection and they gave her 3 different antibiodics to help her and they had to put her back on the ventilator.

I hurried and went up to see her. They were just starting a blood transfusion for her. It's a good thing too because she went from being my pretty pink baby to very pale but I watched her color come right back into her with the transfusion. Thank goodness, now we just needed to get all her levels up. I came home worried but comforted knowing that she wasn't pale anymore thanks to the transfusion.

Then around 4:00 I got another phone call from the nurse again. The medications weren't working and they were trying new meds. I was so scared. I grabbed our friend Philip and my mom and I met Master Chief at the hospital to give Angel Baby a blessing. In her blessing she was blessed with a slow recovery and that she would tolerate her mommy's milk. What a relief. I was still really worried and really scared.

We went up to see Angel Baby Friday night to say goodnight and to tell her that Mommy and Daddy love her. They had put her sunglasses back on because she didn't want to sleep and they wanted to make it dark for her. She was so precious. Kristi, our favorite nurse, was on that night so we called to check on Angel Baby before we went to bed. There was no change but she was going to call us in the morning before she went home.

I don't think I've ever prayed as much as I did that day and night. We were so worried about our sweet little girl.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August 8, 2002 - Day 8 in the life of Angel Baby

HAPPY 1 WEEK BIRTHDAY!!!

The nurses wanted to increase the amount they were feeding her but decided not to because her stomach was a little bigger (they measured it each day) and they were worried about pushing her too much. Besides the night before her blood sugars had gone up but they were able to bring them right back down by adjusting her nutrients.

Angel Baby was so much fun to come visit. She knew when her Mommy would come visit because she would react to her voice and her touch. She also reacted to her Daddy. She recognized our voices and we felt so bad when she'd cried but it was so cute. It was also cute when she'd sneeze while on the CPAP. We love her so much.

Tonight Daddy was able to come up. It was Mommy, Daddy and Angel Baby. Our happy family. It was Daddy's big night!!! First Mama taught Master Chief how to change Angel Baby's diaper. He was so nervous but he did such a great job. He was so careful and thought it was fun. But that was nothing compared to the fun he had while holding Angel Baby. Mama has never seen Master Chief so happy in all her life. Master Chief told Angel Baby the story of the wide mouth frog. Angel Baby was so cute. She was really sleepy but we think she was trying to stay awake in her Daddy's arms because her eyes were so droopy and heavy but she kept opening them back up. Then Master Chief started to quietly say her name and the sound of his voice put her right to sleep. Master Chief was going to wait until Saturday to come up and hold Angel Baby but something told him on Thursday that the things of the world didn't matter, his family mattered and his family was eternal. So he chose to strengthen his bond with his daughter. What a great choice.

They stopped Angel Baby's feedings tonight because she started to have bile come out of her feeding tube. Mama was sad but we were told a lot of premie babies have problems with feedings so we figured it would get better soon.

After Master Chief got done holding Angel Baby we stayed to watch them try to put her catheter in again. This time it was a snap, we were so relieved. We really wanted those umbilical lines out - the chance of infection on those lines were really high. So they were pulled and we were feeling better about things.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

August 7, 2002 - Day 7 in the life of Angel Baby

It was yet another fun and exciting day today. Mama made it up to the hospital to see sweet Angel Baby. When she arrived Angel Baby was just laying there. She asked the nurse why she was so quiet and the nurse said, "Oh don't worry, I was just in with her and she was very fiesty. Angel Baby has quite the attitude!" Way to go my little Angel Baby!!! She was taking after her Mommy already!

It was day 7 and Angel Baby had another head ultrasound to check for brain bleeds. This ultrasound came out clean as well!!! Things are looking so wonderful for her.

Mama got to give Angel Baby a bath this afternoon. It was so much fun. The nurse got a blue plastic bowl full of warm water and Mama carefully washed her face, taking time to let her suck on the cloth. Then she put a little baby soap on her cloth and washed her hair. This was Mama's favorite part. It was neat to see her hair move around! Mama's mom was on the side of the bed and was holding Angel Baby's arms and legs down because we didn't want her to use all her energy. Once Mama got down to her bottom and legs, she took off her diaper. Gram-Gram said 'Uh, there's a little spot on her bum, either she's already done something or she's about to!" Well, she was 'about to'!!! The nurse came over to check and all the sudden Angel Baby exploded! She pooped all over her nurse! Then it spread all over her bed and it went up and down her legs and feet! It was that blackish tarry mess. Gram-Gram was so glad that Mama didn't miss out on that part of motherhood! Lucky for Mama it wasn't hard to clean because it was fresh and she had soap and water to clean it with! Giving her a bath was so much fun. Angel Baby was so wiggly and she'd push her feet against Mama's hand. Plus if Mama put her finger inside Angel Baby's hand she'd squeeze it. She was so strong and it was such a delight.

When Mama left that afternoon they were going to try to put her catheter in again. They tried to thread it through her leg but it wouldn't thread, so we'd have to wait another day.

Mama got to hold Angel Baby again tonight. This time Mama told her the story of the Three Little Pigs. Then she told her about her family, all her aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas. She fell asleep on Mama while she sucked on her binkie.

Angel Baby started to get Mama's milk today. Mama got to feed her tonight and she could tell Angel Baby was hungry. She was restless, but once that milk made it to her tummy she settled right down. What a cutie!

Monday, August 6, 2012

August 6, 2002 - Day 6 in the life of Angel Baby

Today is FULL of fun things!

Mama went to visit Angel Baby before going to her own Dr appt to have her staples removed. The nurse told her that Angel Baby was doing so well that they were taking her off the ventilator. Also they had taken the lights off of Angel Baby and took her little sunglasses off of her eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes! They were a dark blue. She would just look around and try tot ake everything in. She had the most beautiful eyelashes. They were a golden brown color and they were long! Mama was delighted!!!

By the time Mama got back from her Dr appt Angel Baby was breathing all by herself!!! She was on nasal CPAP. That was such a big step for her and it would usually exhaust a premie, but Angel Baby was doing great. Infact, she was doing so well that after resting during the afternoon Mama got to do three major Mommy things that night. The nurse showed Mama how to make Angel Baby more comfortable. She showed her how to clean around her eyes, nose and mouth. Mama learned how to clean out her nose and mouth, and then the nurse showed her that when Angel Baby gets her mouth cleaned that she likes to suck on the wet cloth. It was like eating ice chips to her. Then Mama got to change Angel Baby's diaper for the first time. Mama carefully undid the stickies and gently pulled her diaper off. Mama cleaned her up and put a clean diaper on. Then after taking care to make sure Angel Baby was comfortable, Mama was rewarded!!! She got to hold her little girl for the first time!!!

To hold Angel Baby there were a few requests from the nurse. First she needed to hold her for an hour and she should be held skin to skin with Mommy. So Mama sat in a cozy chair, unbuttoned her shirt and Angel Baby was placed on her chest, skin to skin, so that she could hear the familliar sound of her heartbeat. Mama was in heaven - cloud 9 for sure! Angel Baby was so cuddly. They ask that babies are held for an hour because the process of taking a premie from their isolet to the parent is like a 30 minute cardiovascular workout for a premie as small as Angel Baby. Angel Baby did very well. Her heart rate sped up until she got situated on her mommy. Mama wanted to tell Angel Baby a story, so she told Angel Baby the story of Cinderella. Then she told her over and over again how much she loved her and how special she was to her and how thankful she was to have her for her daughter. That hour went by way too fast. When they took Angel Baby off Mama's chest she cried. She didn't want to leave her Mommy! That was also the first time we heard her cry. When she was on the ventilator she couldn't cry, but on nasal CPAP she could. Angel Baby had the cutest cry. It was really feminine and she would crinkle her forehead and give a scowled look. Angel Baby would also move her mouth like she was sucking so the nurse gave her a pacifier. It was purple and so tiny. Angel Baby loved it. She went to town on that thing.

Angel Baby was supposed to have a catheter put in her vein for her nutrients - then they could take the lines out of her umbilical chord. But the nurse couldn't do it that night, so it would have to wait until tomorrow.

What a joyous and successful day for both Mama and Angel Baby!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

August 5, 2002 - Day 5 in the life of Angel Baby

Mama was dying to get back to the hospital today to see Angel Baby. When she got there Angel Baby's diaper was open so the lights could hit her entire body. Her diaper was clean, but after 5 minutes she had her first little poop! The nurse had told us the day before that tiny babies like Angel Baby don't have BM's. Well guess what? She was wrong!

Monday night Master Chief came up with Mama. We think she was so excited to see both her Mommy and her Daddy because she just seemed to be so content. What a sweet baby she was!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

August 4, 2002 - Day 4 in the life of Angel Baby

It's Sunday today. Angel Baby's nurse came to Mama's room to chat with her. Premie babies always need blood transfusions within the first day. Angel Baby hadn't needed one until the 4th! Also there is a muscle in the heart of a normal baby that closes but in a premie it doesn't close, causing a murmur. They needed this muscle to close so they gave her a medication to try closing it. If that didn't work, they would have to surgically clip it. Angel Baby's little muscle closed on Monday! No surgery needed.

The nurse also informed us in premie babies they worry about bleeding in the brain and so they do ultrasounds on days 4, 7 and 10. Angel Baby had her 1st ultrasound today and everything looked great! We were so proud of our little girl.

Mama was released from the hospital today and it was so hard to leave. We went and saw Angel Baby before we left. Mama remembers telling her that "Mommy was doing better and that I was going home but that I would come visit everyday." Mama wanted to go back that night, but it was just too much for Mama, so we waited until Monday to go back up.

Friday, August 3, 2012

August 3, 2002 - Day 3 in the life of Angel Baby

It's a Saturday. Mama is still in the hospital. Mama was able to make two trips to see Angel Baby today. Angel Baby is doing very well. She's stable, and a very content baby! Nothing remarkable happened today. Mama was so proud of her little sweetheart though. It was so amazing to have such a perfect daughter.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

August 2, 2002, Day 2 in the life of Angel Baby

 

This was such an awesome day! Mama got to meet Angel Baby for the first time! Mama didn't get to meet her until 8:45pm, and Angel Baby was already almost 44 hours old.

I was wheeled through the NICU with my oxygen tank and my IV med pole. Her isolet (incubator) was towards the back of the room. She was in the middle isolet in her row. Master Chief helped me to stand up to see her. I'll never forget that feeling (I can feel it now!) of seeing her for the first time. She was beautiful, and beautiful doesn't even begin to describe her! The feeling of an over abundance of love pouring out of me. A mothers love. A love I'd never experienced. It was so strong, stronger than anything I've ever felt. My heart was so full. This was my little girl! She had big hands and big feet! Her hair.... oh was it beautiful. Her skin was the perfect color, like velvet. Her tiny lips, so tender. Her nose was so tiny! Her eyes and ears were covered due to the biliruben lights, but I was sure she was just as beautiful with the coverings as she'd be without.

And then I sang to her. While pregnant with her I made up my own words to the primary song I Often Go Walking.

Dear (Angel Baby) I love you, my dear sweetheart (Angel Baby).
And I can't wait to hold you, in my arms so dear.
I can't wait to hold you, to hug you, to love you.
Dear (Angel Baby) I love you, love your Mommy dear.

I of course cried the whole way through the song. I put my hand inside her isolet and touched her velvet skin. She had several wires and tubes connected to her for her ventilator, her temperature, her blood oxygen levels, her blood pressure and all the blood lines in her umbilical chord stump. These didn't matter though, she was so pretty.

I couldn't stay long, but she gave me hope. She gave me the strength I needed to go on. I was so excited... she was MY little girl!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Happy 10th Birthday Angel Baby

10 years ago today Master Chief and Mama's lives changed forever. Our first child was born. A beauitful little girl with brown hair, blue eyes, gorgeous eye lashes and velvet skin. Born at 26 weeks (14 weeks early) she weighed 1 lb, 12oz and was 13 1/4 inches long. Angel Baby was born at 1:12am via emergency c-section. Mama was terribly sick with pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and about to die. The only way to save Mama's life was to deliver our baby.

Angel Baby came out screaming! She was soon placed on a ventilator just to make sure she was okay and able to breathe on her own. Master Chief and a close friend Jared came and gave her a blessing that morning. Instead of placing their hands on her head, they very gently touched her foot. She was an angel sent straight from heaven to our family.

Mama couldn't see her yet as she was too sick, but Master Chief made sure to get a couple polariods for her bedside. But Master Chief told Mama how cute she was and how perfect she was! Angel Baby didn't want to be on the ventilator. She'd reach up and pull on the tubes to pull them out! The nurses had to tape washclothes over her arms and legs to keep her contained so she wouldn't pull her tubes out! Can you imagine having to contain such a little baby!

Mama is going to enter each day the milestones Angel Baby reached through her life. So check back in for her whole life story.
Happy 10th Birthday to my sweet Angel Baby.  I can't believe you'd be a decade old today!!!  I have thought of you so much lately.  This birthday you are extremely lucky and you get to share it with your Grandpa Greats.  I hope you know just how much your family loves you.